Fish Tales - It's just a pain in the fin!

Here is an article about fish feeling pain....so my grandson loses his fish about once every two months.... The last one took a "spill" in the sink and alas...didn't pull through the ordeal. Another one down the flusher....(taps being hummed). My cat scooted the fish tank ever so cleverly to the end of the dresser until it fell...that fish was his mid afternoon snack.... we had a chalk outline on the carpet with "do not cross the crime scene line" for a bit. Just kidding but it would have been appropriate....what a horrible horrible way to go....at least we didn't catch the cat with the tail sticking out of his mouth....the grandchild would have been traumatized for life.

Here we go again. There is a new study out that contends fish feel pain. A professor at Purdue and his Norwegian graduate student attached small foil heaters to goldfish. Half of the goldfish were injected with morphine, half with saline, and then the researchers turned on the attached micro-toasters. After the heat was gone, the fish without painkillers "acted with defensive behaviors, indicating wariness, or fear and anxiety." They had also developed a lovely brown crust. These results echo a 2003 study by researchers from the University of Edinburgh who shot bee venom into the lips of trout. The bee-stung fish rubbed their lips in the gravel of their tank and generally seemed ticked off.

Whenever one of these studies about fish pain appears, animal lovers start glaring at me and my fellow fishermen. If fish can experience pain, then angling must be a cruel sport, right up there with deer hunting, bear baiting, and eating hot dogs. Why can't we just leave fish alone and do something else?

The online reaction to the goldfish pain study was both typical and funny—especially in the United Kingdom, where they seem to take animal news more personally. The assembled mob at the Daily Mail got very rowdy. In one corner, you have comments like this: "Every time I see an angler, I say a little prayer that he will get his fishing hook lodged in his body, and then perhaps he will give some thought to the barbaric 'sport' he is pursuing." In the other corner, comments like this: "I'm a trout fisherman and I can tell you all with 100% accuracy that the trout I catch feel absolutely no pain after I've smacked them over the head with a cosh." The pro-angling side rattled off some good jokes about whether or not carrots feel pain when they are peeled. They also directed a surprising amount of vitriol toward lentils and those who eat them.

Mom

Twenty four years ago this morning...I sat with my mom, uttered the only words I could come up with, "I love you", and watched as the most wonderful woman I had ever known took her last breath on earth. Within a second, she had left me and joined Jesus. It was in the seconds that followed her death that my connection to her was felt the most. As she lay there, my deepest desire was to breathe life back into her, that "forever" was indeed an eternity. When the car came to take her away, I simply was still concerned about her feelings, well-being, and protectiveness that though gone, she would be treated as such. One of the attendants was an old school acquaintance and seeing my grief, made every attempt to treat her as though she were still with us, carefully tucking the blankets around her and not covering her face. My promise was to make sure Mom's hair looked like she wore it and not like a beauty parlor would fix it. I full filled that promise and she was beautiful. We all said our goodbyes.

Now, years later, I can see her in so much of what I do and think. I see her everyday with my daughter and I. We carried on that special relationship and speak of her often. Mom always called Linz her smiley girl...and indeed Lindsay's smile has been a blessing to many. We just talked about the little dolls that Mom kept in a special place in the bedroom so that when Lindsay came over, she would have them to play with. Lindsay's friend, Lisa, made some little dolls and we could so see little girls reinacting Lindsay's experience with hers. I look back at the distinct things my Mom influenced in my children. Ej got his love of drums because my Mom took him to Notre Dame and let him watch the drum line practices. She loved the drums and was always pointing them out to EJ, "Justin" as she called him. Lindsay, it was Mom's compassion for family and our special bond as mom and daughter and the only one to carry on her name. When I look at Jon, I see my mom. He has her special color of blue eyes, blond hair, and definite characteristics from my Mom's side of the family.

I miss her. I remember after she passed that the one thing I missed more than ever was her hugs. One night in my dreams, I was walking by a ball field and up in the empty bleachers at the top on the side was a figure of a woman. I remember being curious and climbing the multitude of bleacher seats to get a closer look. I found the figure to be my mom...silent and never saying a word but reaching out to me and hugging me tightly...and then I woke up. I know she is always with me. My older son refers to her as his angel named Dorothy (Dorothy Virginia) and attributes his safety and guidance to her.

I hope and pray that I can instill in Dawson my love for him as she did with me and my kids. I have witnessed the recent relational separation due to the divorce and I miss my kids being close though miles apart. I am fortunate to see Jon with work and of course, Lindsay and I are as close as we ever were if not closer. I don't get to see Ej and the absence of him is felt daily.

My love for my mom will be carried on by the love I have for my children. No one can take that away from me whether reciprocated or not. I own and have that love. What I feel towards others going forward is the most important kind of love.

I love you Mom and miss you. Happy Anniversary as well. I remember the December before that you wanted to live to celebrate your 44Th wedding anniversary. You left us that morning. Well done, Mom!

A Belated Birthday Thought

My oldest celebrated his birthday the day after mine in March. Our family has gone through major changes and at the root, a parental divorce. You would think it would be easier for older kids to accept and figure out divorce....but in reality, it is more difficult because they analyze everything and tend to "choose" sides of support.

It was a long difficult divorce and as things often do happen, there was a lot of misunderstood information. I want to say that the divorce is simply my divorce and my ex husband's divorce and had nothing to do with the kids in any way shape or form.

This all left a cooling in the family. Due to the stress and the anguish of the entire situation, I didn't publicly express my love for my older son who just turned 32. He lives in California and works by day at Breville and is part of the Underground Orchestra by night and weekend. His band is quite successful and is doing well.

I simply wish to state that I love him, think of him often, and pray that healing happens in his heart. Boundaries are there sometimes for a good reason. Just as I wouldnt interfere with his relationships or decisions, though I might not agree with them, I want him to know just how much I support his life quest and direction he has himself chosen to follow. I am so proud of him in so many ways.

Happy Belated Birthday EJ.... with love!

What value are the words you speak? When you say you are going to do something, do you follow through and do what you say you are going to do? I have had a few instances over the past couple of months where I wanted to meet some friends for breakfast. Something from work has come up or I was not feeling well and cancelled. I know that in these instances, understanding was extended and I appreciated their flexibility. I try really hard to say what I mean, and mean what I say...but I have noticed that with some, words flow easy without any substance. "I will call you soon", "call you in a bit", "lets spend some time together", "I love you unconditionally", all without any substance, actions, or regard at all.

What does loyalty mean? What does it look like? To me, loyalty is just a bunch of bunk unless backed up with actions. Words can state good intentions but if those intentions are genuine, actions will demonstrate them.

What happens when people fabricate and lie to get what they want? What happens when lies are told in order to hurt or discredit someone? So often these come from people who do not have a conscience, who are self-centered, and caught up in their own wants and desires. If you look at a person's history if they are this type of person, there is a history of lies and actions that demonstrate a pathological history. The problem with these people is that they practice it so much, they are very good at being convincing but they would also sell your soul if it benefited them. Those you should be careful with....easy to be burned.

The worst are those claiming to be Christians yet they deceive and demonstrate actions that are no where near what a Christian's actions should be. You know who you are....

Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be sucked into some one's deception. You are then a part of the problem....and there is no where to go from there except down....

God seeking - God finding

As I have previously posted several times, I have had more God moments in Disney World then anywhere. Where else can you find multitudes of family, friends, and people genuinely wanting to just help other people?

It is my belief that when you have this magnitude of people in one place, and you are in a relaxed state of mind, you are open to "seeing" and "experiencing" the goodness in people and the wonderful gift of loving others. To just visit this extraordinary place isn't enough for me. I love to find and enhance the visits for others. My daughter has this same mentality as she has planned many a Disney visit for others so that they may experience all there is to experience without hassle. I, too, have been the "Disney planner" for my friends and co-workers. The experience is far more than just going. Every child and every adult deserves a little "magic" and "belief" in their lives. This is where believing starts for most kids...with fairytales and stories. Once the art of believing is in place, then much more important things such as God and Jesus are much easier to "grasp" and do not seem so abstract. Santa isn't a good example as that bubble gets popped and then all that belief is destroyed. Whereas, in Disney, the magic is everlasting and the transition from character to character representation is suttle and easy but the believing still remains. Why do adults still get a thrill seeing Mickey? We all know its a costume but it is what he represents that is more of a draw. Walt created a place for families to go and to enjoy each other. He did well. My family has left many echoes in those parks...one leaving his talent of drumming in a parade legacy. It is a wonderful thing to visit somewhere and close your eyes hearing your children's young voices clearly and wonderfully. It is a place where we clobbered my husband with foam clubs as the Grand Marshalls of the Disney parade. He was such a good sport as he was hit and then blasted with a C02 tank. Memories. Good friends and benchmark events fill our years there.

It is not just a vacation....it is a wonderful intermission to life where I can go and see God's family interact, laugh, and for the moments they are there, escape life's pressures.

I am setting off on a journey to help others "experience" what I experience. More to come.

Acts of Kindness - Change the World One Person At A Time!

We all live in this hustle bustle world and we all have a storyline that branches out like you see in a mature oak tree that has grown for hundreds of years.

Every person that you see driving, walking, attending, shopping, etc. has a story. Their trials and tribulations are impacting just as ours are to our daily endeavors. With all of those interactions, big and small, we have a microscopic opportunity, found in a fleeting moment, to change the course of that person's day, their feelings, emotions, etc. What if we were to, for that split second of encounter, make a difference with a kind word, a small gesture, a helping hand, an acknowledgement of caring, a second of our time to help or let someone know they are not invisable. What would our world look like if we all did that all the time, every day, and across the gender, race, religious, culture lines?

We can not change the world issues, trends, settings with a flip of a computer switch or because we tune in to a presedential speech or senate hearing. We elect people to make the changes and we hope they reflect what is right and just. The only thing we have control over is what our thoughts, actions, and choices are. God encourages us to spread the Word by our actions. Everyone feels that they must travel abroad on mission trips or volunteer hours in order for God to be proud of us. It isn't always the big things that impact lives but the encounters we have as Christians with others that can change the course of a day for someone. Showing others they have value by crossing the invisable comfort line can be the most impactful because we are touching an individual's life in a very personal way. It is one to one. It is making a difference by connecting with others if only for a brief moment. Try this in your life and see if it makes not only a difference with those we connect with, but for yourself as a Christian. Here are just a few ideas:

Help someone with their cart or order in a store. Those self service checkouts can be challenging and carts do not always roll especially in the ice and snow.

Open a door with a smile

Reach something high for someone, or lift something heavy for someone struggling

Sincerely tell someone that you appreciate what they are doing whether their job or doing something nice. Let them know you notice.

If someone is short a few cents...give it to them.

Gift card leftovers....save those with small balances and give to someone as they check out...the reaction is heart-warming!

Tell a stranger they look nice, or you like something they are wearing..or hairstyle or a great smile.

Sincerely thank someone for their acknowledgement of you....

The list is endless. It doesn't take money or time consuming energy to make someone's day. If we are truly His advocate, everyday finding someone to lift or help shows a Christian love and appreciation for our blessings that is suttle and representative of God's love for us.

Movies are a great escape if you are wanting to just exit your own thoughts and feelings for a bit. It is always good to pick a movie that is in contrast to what you are wishing to escape.

Tonight I saw New in Town. My friend and I decided it was time for a laugh and a giggle. Sitting in the theater with my legit bottle of water and a small bag of popcorn and she sitting with her little bottle of smuggled water and delicious candy bars. She dropped her bottle of water and tried to discreetly locate the bottle ....which didn't turn out to be an easy task. It went deep under her seat. Well...we got the giggles and soon, we started hearing other giggles that weren't us. I almost got my arm caught as I reached through the seat and found it just as I realized that I was in past my elbow which was now caught. It didn't last long but I can tell you that there was a moment of panic amidst the out of control laughter. She got her bottle of water in time to begin the movie.

This movie really showed a great example of diversity at its ugliest. There are many areas of the country that are small town and simple. We get so caught up in our high society standards that simplistic really spells boring and unexciting. The movie starring Renee Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr. showed the evolution of those misplaced judgements and ideals. Humor was the catalyst for a very good message about being open and welcoming to people unlike yourself. Most of the characters were portrayed by unknowns but all filled in the story nicely with a wide range of personalities.

New in Town is a delightful movie and worth the ticket price. It also helps to start the occasion with a friend and lots of giggles.

From Outside The Fish Bowl

Alas....another year has rolled around for Lindsay. She hit the big 29 today. Her birthdays in the past have been somewhat skewed by events and happenings that evolved into the Lindsay Birthday Curse.

Today, however, I think the curse was banished. She received many wishes of love and best wishes, she had a gift of roses from her little man, and a party from her pals, all to celebrate the fact that she is!

Its been a tough year for this mom and her little girl as lots of transitions and changes have changed our paths many times over. She, still going through transitions, is strong and able to renavigate her way because of that strength. It is something a GPS system just cant' help me with, however. I can only speak from my point of view, but I can best describe it as once being in the fish bowl and now being on the outside looking in. It would be different if the view from the outside was bad and sad. I see a little family forming and a lot of happiness inside that fish bowl.

Thank you, GOD, for allowing me to raise your child these past 29 years. It has been an honor and now I know you are proud of the woman she has become. I know I am.

Happy Birthday Lindsay!

Jon - A man, son, brother, leader, coach, friend. Happy 30th Birthday!

"Mom, am I adopted?" This is what I heard the whole time my son, Jon, was growing up. He was the only blue eyed and blond haired child in the family. My mother had blue eyes and blond hair however, this child just did not resemble his parents or siblings. We traveled out west one year on a four week road trip. We met my first cousins, (the kids' second cousins) and discovered that cousin Jon, from Texas, was the spitting image of our Jon. My mom's brothers child had the same nose, eyes, and even the thumbs were the same. I think once that was established and his fears put to rest that we were hiding his identity from him, Jon began developing into the man that he has become. Has it all been easy? I would say that Jon has gone through some pretty hard times but to look at this muscular, strapping, handsome young man, you would never know. He always has a smile on his face. He is so wonderful making others feel valued and appreciated. He is a terrific coach. I would say, that of all the football coaches I have ever heard of, seen, or watched, Jon is the best I have ever seen. His devotion and leadership with young people goes beyond awesome. He leads at work with integrity and support....he is a Christian that has discovered the strength that comes from that, he is an animal lover especially his little guys, Wrigley and Halas, and he is a wonderful son and brother.

Today, Jon celebrates his 30th birthday. I am so proud of my son. I can hear his little voice everytime I visit Disney. I remember how he would pass the driving time away on the way there by drawing picture after picture. Oh, and he is a very good artist. He was even looked at by Disney Studios at one time. His ability to draw cartoons is amazing.

Happy Birthday, Jon, and thank you for blessing my life by being apart of mine with yours. God really blessed me when He entrusted you to me to raise. I love you and am so very proud of you. You inspire me, motivate me, and teach me. What more could a mother ask?

Yesterday and Today....A Beatle Tribute to Remember!

Growing up as an adolescent in the 60's was a real honor. Yes, many people were engaging in things they shouldn't have ...but for the majority of us, we were content with the wave of Beatlemania, the British Invasion, buying 45's and albums, hanging pictures all over our walls of our favorite groups. Music became a centralized connection with others. The out of control premieres of A Hard Day's Night and Help at the State Theater in South Bend...the long lines waiting for a seat...the new hairstyles and suits and Carnaby St. and Twiggy were all the rage. To me, they were much more than a singing group...they were my escape from a world that during my early years was difficult and full of adult issues that I didn't understand....I just knew that in my room, with walls covered in Paul McCartney photos, and his songs playing on the little record player, I was safe, happy, and focused on this very handsome young man from across the Atlantic. It was much later that I had the opportunity to meet this man. Living in a posh neighborhood in London's exclusive neighborhood, St. Johns Wood, where the famous EMI Recording Studios were and the famous crosswalk featured on the cover of Abbey Road, I was able to meet and thank him for his music. He was genuine, kind, patient with this very nervous redhead from the states. I gave him a piece of artwork I had painted of him...and he graciously made me feel like Picasso. A short talk of about 15 minutes, talking about why I was in London, where I lived in the states, and that I was grateful for the chance to meet him and then a nice "have a nice holiday" from his pretty wife, Linda, and I was off and walking down Cavendish Avenue.

All of these wonderful memories came rushing back this evening. My great friends Deb and Butch invited me to go see a group at the South Bend Civic Theater. Yesterday and Today, A musical Tribute to the Beatles led by Billy McGuigan, was one of the most fun, inspirational, and best performances I have ever seen. The talent of this group of talented gentlemen was amazing. Not a copycat band. No one was trying to be the Beatles. They were all themselves. Their show celebrated the music of the Fab Four. The entire set was comprised of handwritten requests from the audience before the show and during intermission. Each was read and a personal interview with the requester personalized the show to the audience. Dedications to loved ones such as Let It Be for Deb's brother Kevin, Help for a lady that needed a job, and a song for the redhead that once upon a time met who would truly become royalty, Sir Paul McCartney.

Bravo to those who celebrate the lives and music of others. Bravo to those that honor and remember them through the words, sounds, and moments shared because of the music that changed the world forever. Thank you, Billy McGuigan and Company. And..thank you to Deb and Butch who love me enough to offer me moments like this!

Hunkering with Dixie

The past week has caused a lot of folks to stay inside and to work from home. I was one of those since the majority of what I do is in the field. I decided that I was going to utilize the peace and quiet of no interruptions and the comfortable ambience to dig in and engage in what I do for a living. I was so productive. I accomplished much more than I ever thought possible. I used my creativity to figure out "store visits" without actually being there. It took a lot more effort but the result was amazing.

I also had to spend a lot of hours with just me. I discovered that at times, when not working, I get in a zone of time suspension. I "am" in the moment and do nothing to move out of it. When my work was done, I actually cooked for myself. I put effort into eating right. I had a couple of setbacks this week personally however, I moved through them and did not let them get to me. I realize that somethings happen for a reason and in this case, it will work to my advantage. I also read, looked at magazines, sorted, threw away, and took the time to look out the window at the snow and trees. I became more thankful with each moment that I was in a warm home, with food and beverage, blankets, pillows, a television, music, movies to watch, and American Idol. (Ok I threw that one in there...I am so happy it is on again) I put my head down on my pillow and realized that I could put my head down on a pillow...something we all take for granted. I made myself coffee and as I sipped, I realized that I could make myself something warm to drink anytime. I took a hot shower and realized that I can be clean and smell nice and use girlie products to do so anytime I want. Some never get that opportunity. I helped with the food drop at GCC and as I looked in my cupboards, I realized that I was not one of them that needed those boxes. I take that for granted. Or...I did. I snuggled up on my couch and realized I was warm....and some were in shelters and some were without coats and gloves.

Hunkering down with myself was a real eye opener. In my resolutions for 2009, one was to pray with more meaning. I found myself really praying and reflecting and feeling so fortunate to have what I have. I also know that God's plan is for us to give of our time to help others.

I think I shall!

LOVE STORIES....

Jondalar and Ayla....Bogie and McCall....Romeo and Juliet.....Eric and Ariel, Beauty and the Beast. Some of the best love stories had unique beginnings and happy endings. Romance is a wonderful thing that spins tales and stories of love encouraging the belief that even the most far fetched couples can truly find love.

I look back over the "love" stories that have inspired me to believe. The Holiday featured a love affair going nowhere until "gumption" stepped in opening the door for a new and wonderful relationship. In the Runaway Bride, committment and true happiness were put off over and over again because one must have their "ducks in a row" to be able to open your heart to love.

One might really be inspired by these love stories. I have one more example.

There was a girl that happened to be at a Chocolate Factory to eat. There was also a boy who also was there by way of a bicycle. Through a series of events including a tire that literally blew up randomly, the girl met this boy and through the determination of the boy, reconnected with this girl.

Now that boy and girl are a couple and are getting married on april 3rd. Among the happy endings from all the love stories I have heard, it is this one that I pray for the most wonderful "happy ever after".

Lindsay and Aaron (and Dawson) ......I pray for your "Happy Ever After"....Lots of Love!

Most People Stay Glued To Their Seats. I Glue Other Things...

I am trying to be financially responsible. I decided that my new resolution of getting in shape would cost money...and that if it was worth my time and money, I would need to sacrifice something else to have it. I thought and thought...and tapped my cheek...thinking....and then ...I realized that I could sacrifice my fake nails....I have had them for 8 years now. They cost a whopping $45.00 a month to maintain. God gave me perfectly good nails but I have destroyed the nail bed over the years as they grind that down in order to lay the acrylic. Too much information? Any way...so I yanked them off...and I couldn't stand the feel of them as they were bumpy and rough. I bought a set of the glue on short short nails to cover and let them heal. They actually look better than the acrylics looked. So I am driving home from North Webster the other day and I hit my thumb and noticed that one side of the nail was coming unglued. I keep a little tube of the nail super glue in my purse for just such an occasion. I unscrewed the lid and you know how glue is..even when covered, it gets a little plug of glue that is dried on the end. I tried to pick it off but remember, I am driving and trying to do this one handed. Without thinking it completely through, I bit off the end. From me trying to force the glue out of the tube, it was pressured to come out immediately. You are getting a mental picture aren't you? I got super glue in my mouth..and not just in my mouth but my immediate reaction was to push it out with my tongue. My tongue became glued to the back of my top front teeth. I panicked. I went to say, "oh my gosh" but it came out "o nye goth" I had to peel my tongue off of my teeth. Glue was everywhere. My mouth had glue floaties everywhere. My tongue was quite sore and to this day, I still have a little piece of glue stuck to the back of my teeth.

Explain that to a dentist....

Feeding Hungry People - Food Drop 2009

Attending church with your kids is amazing....especially when it is outside of the normal church routine. This morning at Granger Community Church, semi's filled with boxes of food and personal items were unloaded by almost over a thousand people who came to be a part of Food Drop 2009.

I was able to serve as a volunteer along side my son and daughter. It was amazing. Then on top of that, I served with several of my dearest friends: Lori and Bob, Shanti and James, and many of the people Lindsay works with that I have come to love. Cheers, vocal celebration, cameras, video cams, the news people, dignitaries such as Congressman Donnelly and Mayor Jeff Rea all were a part of the special time this morning. Larry Jones of Feed the Children was also present. My favorite moment during the opening remarks was when Rob and Mark stood side by side on the stage. The two together, with their incredible teaching style, always gives me goose bumps. I feel God when they speak of Him.

What an awesome event, an awesome time with my son, Jon and daughter, Lindsay. I am so proud to be a part of this church!

Pages of My Life.....

Being a mother is an amazing gift that God blesses you with. Your children are entrusted to you to raise, love, instill values, morals, conscience, empathy, and tender, giving hearts. As they go through their teenage years, you see the lack of confidence, the struggles, the broken hearts, the disappointments, the disillusionment of things not working out. You also get to see their senses of humor emerge through all of their experiences. You see them arrive to adulthood filled with enthusiasm for life and the energy to go after whatever their choices might be. You are blessed with a grandchild that takes you to a whole other level and depth of love that is an extension of the love you have for your children. You go through the challenges, the arguments, the silence when opinions clash. You also enjoy the other side of the storm when love brings everyone back together.

I often think at a funeral that all of the wonderful things that are said and all of the people that show up are such a tribute to a life now passed. I always hope that the loved one would be able to look down to see the love and admiration that is expressed. I was able to experience some of that wonderful expression of love that so many people never hear or know.

I was given a gift today that is so meaningful and beautiful that it is hard for me to put into words. My children and friends all contributed to a book that was thoughtfully and lovingly put together by my daughter as a Christmas present. The effort was not without frustration and disappointment as the company that it was ordered from did not deliver as promised. What was to be a gift on December 25Th, was finally put in my hands on January 8Th.

As I read the book, I was so overcome with emotions. The sentiment from Ej and Jon touched my heart in a way that I didn't know possible. My daughters words and Grandson's expression of love was touching and heartfelt. My friends, co-workers, and former students contributions were unbelievable.

I am so overwhelmingly humbled and grateful and appreciative of every one's sentiments. I am such a lucky, blessed woman who has come through so many changes and opportunities leading up to this new year,2009. I began this new year as a more dedicated Christian woman with the goal of spending time with my children and friends and continuing to make memories as long as the Lord allows me to be here on Earth.

Finding words of gratitude that really express what my heart is feeling tonight isn't possible..... I am going to sit back and reflect on that incredible love I am feeling tonight. Thank you, Lindsay, for your creative flair putting this amazing book together and for your friendship and love. Thank you to my sons, Ej and Jon, for being my pillars through some very difficult times and for loving me for who I am and valuing the kind of mom I sought to be. Thank you to my darling grandson, Dawson, for being the light in my heart, and to my friends and co-workers and the special new people that have joined our circle, thank you for walking with me everyday in my life journey. I am so proud that you are on the pages of my life.

Resolution Update

I am playing tag with Curves to get started with an exercise regiment. Tag, they are it....

I have started reading Velvet Elvis. It is very interesting how I make a judgement on books by the cover, the pictures, and the visual appeal. So I picked a book that is entirely white, no pictures, and frankly, had I just looked at it, I would have passed it by had it not been so highly recommended.

So far, Velvet Elvis has taught me about springs and brick walls. I have many of those. I grew up in a very regimented church from my teens on and realized the walls that contained me when I had my accident in 1987. Now before those who attend regimented churches start throwing bricks at me, let me say that there are many people that are as dedicated to Jesus as I am trying to be. It isn't the people who attend these regimented churches that I find dissatisfying ...it's the list of church rules that tie you up with process instead of the journey. There is a church for absolutely everyone. However, this is MY journey so I get to say whatever I want. We get so consumed with processes that we forget that there is a world out there and with that, possibilities are endless. I never want to punch a clock saying I was there, or feel the need to confess to anyone but my God. I am accountable to Him and only Him.

Our church service this past weekend was centered on questions the attendees might have for Pastor Mark. We utilized cell phones and a text process to send him questions for him to randomly answer off the cuff. We even voted out of three questions at a time as to which one Mark would answer. His answers were honest, upfront, spiritual, funny, candid, and thorough. Now in the first chapter of Velvet Elvis, one of the main topics deals with questions. It went through all of the people in the Bible that had questions and even Jesus, at the end of his life as he hung on the cross asked, "Father, why have you forsaken me." We all have questions. We should have the freedom to explore our questions and seek the truth. A church should not have such walls of bricks that asking questions is not allowed or welcomed. It was amazing to see how many questions were sent and how many people sent them.

I had lunch with friends on Saturday, went to a movie with my daughter and Co. on Friday. I went to the show with another friend and then out for dinner. I love my friends and family.

I did the absolute weirdest thing today for myself.....I TOOK A NAP...that's right...I curled up on the couch and on purpose closed my eyes in a silent house and took a nap. IT WAS AWESOME.

I am thinking of a trip to see my son in California and a solo trip to Disney for personal reasons.

I have reached out to someone at MC3 at church for answers on volunteering. I will attend the Food Drop this next Saturday at church. I also will be attending "Starting Point" at church in the next couple of weeks.

Accountability is everything..... My resolutions are off to a fine start.... who knows what will happen next!

"YOU HAVE TO PUCKER YOUR LIPS LIKE DIS"

There are all kinds of beauty products that promise great results....and of course they usually target those of us who are starting to see signs of aging....those little lines and creases that were not there before. Of course...we panic and want to hide, cover, disguise, and minimize them. We hang on any promise from a product that states a difference in "ten days or less". We can do anything for ten days right?

The creams and emollients and gels that promise elasticity and filled in lines really confuse you. If your skin is all stretched out....would you want more elasticity? I would want my sagging cheeks to be able to be more bouncy and stretchy for sure. What about the ones that promise to diminish the age spots that sometimes appear? Well....for a normal person that has a spot here and there, this might be great. For someone with freckles....the reduction leaves a vampire like appearance....a blank sort of skin appearance.....

I saved the best to last. Julia Roberts and other notable actresses all of a sudden appeared in the press with larger, pout-ee, and full lips. These ladies went through painful injections to get those lips and seriously, I wonder sometimes if some of that even looks good. I am shopping and looking for a nice lip gel that would add some shine and dimension to my lips. There it was. A tube of shiny lip gloss in a beautiful tube. Not just any gloss but this gloss "increases" your lips and makes them appear fuller in 60 seconds. What might this gloss contain to do this? I catch myself in a mirror in the cosmetic department and discover that the little lines they are talking about are on my lips. I could never get lip injections....heck I can't even get the nerve for a flu shot. I decided I would buy it and try it.

Now let me set the stage. I am on the road and had stopped in the drug store for some ibuprofen. I encountered the gloss on my way to one of my stores for a visit. I get back in the car with my ibuprofen and my lovely tube of plumping lip gloss. I turn the car on and decide to try it. I open it and run the smooth little brush over my top and bottom lip. I look and think, OK color. I see no difference. I drive out of the parking lot and am on my way. I keep looking in the mirror and see no change. I thought to myself that once again, I fell for empty promises of quick fix beauty enhancements. I licked my lips and thought, "eow"...not tasty. About two minutes later...my lips start tingling...and I mean....it isn't comfortable....I check the mirror and indeed, my lips are getting bigger. I think to myself...wow....though painful....it is working. Then it happens. Remember I mentioned that I had "licked my lips?" That's right...my tongue started tingling...and I start panicking. What if my tongue swells to a lovely bigger size and chokes me to death? I am driving faster now.....and anyone looking in my car would have thought..."what a vain woman" for I had my face stuck in my mirror watching everything "plump".

The good news is that....it only lasted a short period of time. I now am reluctantly happy with the size of my own lips (and tongue) and have decided that Chap Stick isn't so bad!

I will leave the "plumping" to Julia and accept my little lined lips.

In My Children's Eyes!

Though the lyrics use the word "daughter", I thought that they reflected my thoughts and feelings about my children and grandchild.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and theworld is at peace

This miracle God gave to me gives me strength

When I am weak, I find reason to believe

In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her handaround my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light

It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

Looking Back and Forward, Starting Now!

I began this blog as therapy for all the life changes that began about five years ago. Some of the changes:

• Being on my own for the first time
• Going through a divorce
• Buying a house
• Diving into my faith
• Meeting new people
• Coming to terms with me!

I have learned much about myself through this journey. I have learned that when I am not happy, the world isn't either. I have learned that when I am not in control, the world isn't either. I have discovered that when I feel troubled, the world's troubles seem magnified.

I have also learned that because I am the "captain of my own ship", I have the choice to be happy, make decisions, and to set my own course for where my ship will go. I have been in the "cruise" mode for sometime now. Cruising is fine if you are on the Disney Wonder...but not so good if you wish to get to personal destinations because floating in despair, sadness, bad memories, and what used to be causes you to not see a place to land and take off.

The following resolutions were designed to set my ship into a forward motion and to discover me all over again:

1. Will be at my desired weight by May 1. I am tired of thinking about it, worrying about it, feeling bad about it, and stressing over it. JUST LOSE IT AND GET OVER IT.
2. I am going to read....not just read anything...but read things that will motivate, inspire, and positively affect my habits, thoughts, and aspirations.....first book, "Velvet Elvis".
3. Spend time with my friends..... they are a God send to have.
4. Pray more productively. Example: I go through the motions at meals....but am I really praying??????? I am thankful...but am I praying as if I am?
5. Simplify my abode. Less is more....more is less...and YA CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YA SO WHY HAVE IT! It goes along with the things I wish to read... surround yourself with things that motivate, inspire, positively affect my habits, thoughts, and aspirations.
6. Spend my day doing what makes me happy.....work wise, free time wise..... QUIT WASTING TIME! "As Mark Beeson pointed out....I AM RUNNING OUT OF MARBLES."
7. Get involved with Life....church, volunteering....small groups.... One can't experience life unless you live it.... being a bystander in life is not acceptable.
8. Give my all to Dawson. His heart is worth all my efforts and love.
9. Travel....even if it by myself.....GETTING MY PASSPORT
10. Live life to the fullest.....I LOVE MY LIFE...AND TOMORROW ISN'T GUARANTEED!

Here is to 2009.... ahhhhh LIVE IS GRAND!