Resolution Update

I am playing tag with Curves to get started with an exercise regiment. Tag, they are it....

I have started reading Velvet Elvis. It is very interesting how I make a judgement on books by the cover, the pictures, and the visual appeal. So I picked a book that is entirely white, no pictures, and frankly, had I just looked at it, I would have passed it by had it not been so highly recommended.

So far, Velvet Elvis has taught me about springs and brick walls. I have many of those. I grew up in a very regimented church from my teens on and realized the walls that contained me when I had my accident in 1987. Now before those who attend regimented churches start throwing bricks at me, let me say that there are many people that are as dedicated to Jesus as I am trying to be. It isn't the people who attend these regimented churches that I find dissatisfying ...it's the list of church rules that tie you up with process instead of the journey. There is a church for absolutely everyone. However, this is MY journey so I get to say whatever I want. We get so consumed with processes that we forget that there is a world out there and with that, possibilities are endless. I never want to punch a clock saying I was there, or feel the need to confess to anyone but my God. I am accountable to Him and only Him.

Our church service this past weekend was centered on questions the attendees might have for Pastor Mark. We utilized cell phones and a text process to send him questions for him to randomly answer off the cuff. We even voted out of three questions at a time as to which one Mark would answer. His answers were honest, upfront, spiritual, funny, candid, and thorough. Now in the first chapter of Velvet Elvis, one of the main topics deals with questions. It went through all of the people in the Bible that had questions and even Jesus, at the end of his life as he hung on the cross asked, "Father, why have you forsaken me." We all have questions. We should have the freedom to explore our questions and seek the truth. A church should not have such walls of bricks that asking questions is not allowed or welcomed. It was amazing to see how many questions were sent and how many people sent them.

I had lunch with friends on Saturday, went to a movie with my daughter and Co. on Friday. I went to the show with another friend and then out for dinner. I love my friends and family.

I did the absolute weirdest thing today for myself.....I TOOK A NAP...that's right...I curled up on the couch and on purpose closed my eyes in a silent house and took a nap. IT WAS AWESOME.

I am thinking of a trip to see my son in California and a solo trip to Disney for personal reasons.

I have reached out to someone at MC3 at church for answers on volunteering. I will attend the Food Drop this next Saturday at church. I also will be attending "Starting Point" at church in the next couple of weeks.

Accountability is everything..... My resolutions are off to a fine start.... who knows what will happen next!

"YOU HAVE TO PUCKER YOUR LIPS LIKE DIS"

There are all kinds of beauty products that promise great results....and of course they usually target those of us who are starting to see signs of aging....those little lines and creases that were not there before. Of course...we panic and want to hide, cover, disguise, and minimize them. We hang on any promise from a product that states a difference in "ten days or less". We can do anything for ten days right?

The creams and emollients and gels that promise elasticity and filled in lines really confuse you. If your skin is all stretched out....would you want more elasticity? I would want my sagging cheeks to be able to be more bouncy and stretchy for sure. What about the ones that promise to diminish the age spots that sometimes appear? Well....for a normal person that has a spot here and there, this might be great. For someone with freckles....the reduction leaves a vampire like appearance....a blank sort of skin appearance.....

I saved the best to last. Julia Roberts and other notable actresses all of a sudden appeared in the press with larger, pout-ee, and full lips. These ladies went through painful injections to get those lips and seriously, I wonder sometimes if some of that even looks good. I am shopping and looking for a nice lip gel that would add some shine and dimension to my lips. There it was. A tube of shiny lip gloss in a beautiful tube. Not just any gloss but this gloss "increases" your lips and makes them appear fuller in 60 seconds. What might this gloss contain to do this? I catch myself in a mirror in the cosmetic department and discover that the little lines they are talking about are on my lips. I could never get lip injections....heck I can't even get the nerve for a flu shot. I decided I would buy it and try it.

Now let me set the stage. I am on the road and had stopped in the drug store for some ibuprofen. I encountered the gloss on my way to one of my stores for a visit. I get back in the car with my ibuprofen and my lovely tube of plumping lip gloss. I turn the car on and decide to try it. I open it and run the smooth little brush over my top and bottom lip. I look and think, OK color. I see no difference. I drive out of the parking lot and am on my way. I keep looking in the mirror and see no change. I thought to myself that once again, I fell for empty promises of quick fix beauty enhancements. I licked my lips and thought, "eow"...not tasty. About two minutes later...my lips start tingling...and I mean....it isn't comfortable....I check the mirror and indeed, my lips are getting bigger. I think to myself...wow....though painful....it is working. Then it happens. Remember I mentioned that I had "licked my lips?" That's right...my tongue started tingling...and I start panicking. What if my tongue swells to a lovely bigger size and chokes me to death? I am driving faster now.....and anyone looking in my car would have thought..."what a vain woman" for I had my face stuck in my mirror watching everything "plump".

The good news is that....it only lasted a short period of time. I now am reluctantly happy with the size of my own lips (and tongue) and have decided that Chap Stick isn't so bad!

I will leave the "plumping" to Julia and accept my little lined lips.

In My Children's Eyes!

Though the lyrics use the word "daughter", I thought that they reflected my thoughts and feelings about my children and grandchild.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna be

In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and theworld is at peace

This miracle God gave to me gives me strength

When I am weak, I find reason to believe

In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her handaround my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light

It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leave

Maybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me

For I'll be there

In my daughter's eyes

Looking Back and Forward, Starting Now!

I began this blog as therapy for all the life changes that began about five years ago. Some of the changes:

• Being on my own for the first time
• Going through a divorce
• Buying a house
• Diving into my faith
• Meeting new people
• Coming to terms with me!

I have learned much about myself through this journey. I have learned that when I am not happy, the world isn't either. I have learned that when I am not in control, the world isn't either. I have discovered that when I feel troubled, the world's troubles seem magnified.

I have also learned that because I am the "captain of my own ship", I have the choice to be happy, make decisions, and to set my own course for where my ship will go. I have been in the "cruise" mode for sometime now. Cruising is fine if you are on the Disney Wonder...but not so good if you wish to get to personal destinations because floating in despair, sadness, bad memories, and what used to be causes you to not see a place to land and take off.

The following resolutions were designed to set my ship into a forward motion and to discover me all over again:

1. Will be at my desired weight by May 1. I am tired of thinking about it, worrying about it, feeling bad about it, and stressing over it. JUST LOSE IT AND GET OVER IT.
2. I am going to read....not just read anything...but read things that will motivate, inspire, and positively affect my habits, thoughts, and aspirations.....first book, "Velvet Elvis".
3. Spend time with my friends..... they are a God send to have.
4. Pray more productively. Example: I go through the motions at meals....but am I really praying??????? I am thankful...but am I praying as if I am?
5. Simplify my abode. Less is more....more is less...and YA CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YA SO WHY HAVE IT! It goes along with the things I wish to read... surround yourself with things that motivate, inspire, positively affect my habits, thoughts, and aspirations.
6. Spend my day doing what makes me happy.....work wise, free time wise..... QUIT WASTING TIME! "As Mark Beeson pointed out....I AM RUNNING OUT OF MARBLES."
7. Get involved with Life....church, volunteering....small groups.... One can't experience life unless you live it.... being a bystander in life is not acceptable.
8. Give my all to Dawson. His heart is worth all my efforts and love.
9. Travel....even if it by myself.....GETTING MY PASSPORT
10. Live life to the fullest.....I LOVE MY LIFE...AND TOMORROW ISN'T GUARANTEED!

Here is to 2009.... ahhhhh LIVE IS GRAND!

An Unexpected Christmas Meeting

When I was growing up, my "Aunt" and "Uncle" and their daughter lived around the corner. Aunt Mamie was somehow related as a cousin somehow to my dad way down through the lines. She was a character. She was the most jovial person in the world. She had a laugh and smile that would melt even the coldest of hearts. My Uncle Dale was a Studebaker worker and he was the opposite of his wife. She was warm and cuddly and he was stiff and very uncomfortable on the outside with demonstrated affection. On the inside though, he melted like butter with any kind of attention. My mom didn't drive so when we needed a ride home from school or we were sick and needed to be picked up, Uncle Dale was right there to give my mom a ride. Aunt Mamie was my mom's closest friend.

Every Saturday night, they would come over to the house and play a card game called Blitz....and pennies were the prize winnings. We loved it when they came over as we would always have the treat of a glass of soda and a bowl of chips.
On my son's Ej's graduation day from Kindergarden, Aunt Mamie died. It was a painful and sad loss for our family. What was suppose to be a happy evening of celebration turned into a painful one with the news.

On the morning of May 31st in 1985, my sweet mother passed away and oddly enough, that evening my other son, Jon, was due to graduate from Kindergarden. A happy day in so many ways (parents wedding anniversary also), turned to a deeper loss than I could ever explain.
Tonight, as I was coming home from work, I was about to pass the restaurant my dad usually eats dinner at. I had the urge to stop so I did. I found my brother and Dad in their usual spot. I sat down and realized they had been chatting with the ladies at the next table. I sat there for a few minutes and then turned my head towards the three ladies at the table. One was staring right into my eyes and I realized that it was none other than Aunt Mamie's daughter and her two life long friends. I became all teary eyed as I haven't seen Betty since her mom's funeral in 1983. Though she showed the years on her face, the warmth and love in her eyes came shining through. Hugs and lots of conversation followed. We talked about the days of me growing up and we exchanged all of the things we remembered about those days. I proudly showed pictures of my children and caught them up on what my sister, Bonnie, was doing. During a moment of me talking to my dad and brother, I over heard the most wonderful thing. They were talking amongst themselves and were saying how much I looked like my mom. There hasn't been anyone around that would ever be able to say that but these three sweet ladies. I could only fight back the proud tears upon hearing their discussion. It was such an honor and compliment for anyone to compare me to my mom. She was loved so much and admired so much for the sweet person she was. I always thought my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world....and to be compared even in the slightest bit to her was a gift from the past. I could feel my mother looking down on me tonight. I know she was smiling and realizing the impact she made on many lives...especially mine.

It was an early Christmas gift to me. I was able to bring my mom to life in our memory sharing and with any thought that I might resemble her in some way. All girls think their moms are beautiful. My mom was beautiful inside as well as outside. It was a blessing seeing those that surrounded me as I grew up.

Merry Christmas, Dixie!

I sit and wait, does an angel contemplate my fate

and do they know the places where we gowhen we’re grey and old‘
Cuz I’ve been told that salvation lets their wings unfold

so when I’m lying in my bed thoughts running through my headand I feel that love is dead,

I’m loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protectiona lot of love and affection, whether I’m right or wrong

and down the waterfall wherever it may take me

I know that life wont break me when I come to call

she wont for sake me I’m loving angels instead
when I’m feeling weak and my pain walks down a one way street

I look above and I know ill always be blessed with love

and as the feeling grows she breathes flesh to my bones and when love is dead

I’m loving angels instead
and through it all she offers me protection, a lot of love and affection

whether I’m right or wrong

and down the waterfall wherever it may take me,

I know that life wont break me

when I come to call she wont forsake me

I’m loving angels instead

Dorothy Virginia Waters
8/30/1922 - 5/31/1985

It Has Never Been Clearer!

I have heard the story for years and years. I grew up in both a Catholic and Methodist church atmosphere as my parents were each from one of them.

I have heard about it, sang about it, and made yearly family visits to church with your holiday outfits.

You come home and celebrate the presents, baskets of eggs, etc.

I attended church at five o'clock on Saturday this week. It was a good service. The theme of the this year's series is "Simple Christmas". The service was very simple. The music was good. The setting was good but very tasteful and simple. The songs were traditional and simple to sing. Then it came time for the message. The message was very simple about how we should celebrate the birth of Jesus while also remembering the end of the story as it personally has something to do with each of us. Jesus was crucified so that our sins would be forgiven. I get that. I have "felt" that for a while now. I thought I had it all together until.............. Mark Beeson's one statement that changed it all.

Mark's one statement changed the vision and the meaning to Jesus being up there on that cross and for His suffering and journey of pain leading to that cross.

Mark said, "my sins were up on that cross."

It all of a sudden became extremely personal and that whatever I have done, said, thought, or acted on were up on that cross and Jesus shed his blood and lost his life in a most tragic, slow, and painful way JUST so that I could be forgiven. My sins and transgressions were right up there with his pain and suffering so that with my relationship with Jesus would allow the grace of forgiveness and He paid the price so I wouldn't have to.

This season has been one of self discovery for me. My little home is empty of little footsteps and the company of loved ones. I have found solitude however, in the silence that was spoken about in the service. I still have all my loved ones. I haven't lost anything but after the service, I realized how very much more I have gained.

God speaks through radio stories.....

Luke 2:7

7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

While driving home from a great afternoon with a very good friend, I was listening to Christmas stories told by callers. One story really touched me and I wanted to share it with you:

A family of ten got ready for church on Christmas Eve. The eight members of the family ranged from tiny all the way up to the oldest, a teenage boy. All were ready to leave except the 17 year old. He had chosen to not accompany the family. The mom thought it best to "pick your battles" and this was not one of those. They all left and attended church and then the drive to look at the neighborhood's lights. When they arrived home, the mom discovered a strange young man sitting on the couch in the living room. She asked him who he was and the boy explained that he was a friend of her son. The mother heard her son in his downstairs room and went down there to get a further explanation of the stranger in their home. The son explained that the young man had left the area a few years before and when he returned to see his dad, his dad informed him that there was no room at his house for him to stay, leaving him on the street. He turned to his old friend out of desperation. The son asked if it was ok if he stayed there for the night. The mom agreed and then realized that the young man would be there for Christmas morning and present time. She looked in the closet and found some extra things that she wrapped for him so he would have something to open. The next day after the festivities, the young man approached the mom and thanked her for letting him stay and that he had never had a family Christmas in his lifetime. He was moved and touched by the experience and conveyed this with his heartfelt thank you.

Oddly enough, at this particular time of year, when a story that defines the season also had strangers that found there was no "room at the inn".

Had the son gone to church with the family, he would not have been home to let this poor young man know that there is always room for one more and that as Christians, we should always be open without a "no vacancy" sign up. The open door gives way to sharing the Word and the story of mattering to Jesus, no matter who you are or what story you are living!