Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Children turn into adults. Mothers know this is coming however, if a child and mother are friends too, this launching can sometimes be delayed. Oh it is inevitable that paths will split and take the mother and child into different directions.
This is my now!
I have had the joy of sharing life together since my marriage ended with my daughterand my grandson. What fun and adventures we have had. We have laughed, cried, argued, disagreed, and shared lifelong memories that no one can take from us.
We also have shared her little boy. I grew very dependent on those morning kisses and nighttime hugs. Seeing those precious eyes brightened each and every day I lived. The reality of not being a daily part of his life is difficult to say the least. I don't always express the foundation to a lot of my emotions. Sometimes i just try to act like a tough guy and that I can get through anything. Reality check. I am struggling.
The house that was once filled with music, the wii, has silenced to a deadening empty sound. I am sitting now and all I hear is my computer fan running. The happy seclusion of my bedroom is now everywhere. It isn't so happy. I am thinking of Christmas morning and Thanksgiving where we together used to do what we did. I am thinking of Halloween....a favorite time of year when the three of us, the Three Muskateers...would go all out to enjoy the spirit of dressing up. Our Disney trips have always been our thing. That was our special happy place. Looking at it now....its not so happy. I am and will get through all of this....
God has made me strong somewhere in here and I need to search for it and cease it. All of my life transitions are coming into view and I look at where I am and for the first time ever, I don't know where to go. It is a scary feeling.
I know that my daughter will be happy and will make a life of her own as it should be. She deserves to have a place to entertain and decorate and make a home for her son and herself and a future person too and who knows....many more little people to love. All I know is that right now....I am searching for the right things to say and how to feel and how to get up each day and the rest of the story.
That is my reality.
This is my now!
